need another drink. this is the easiest way
i was born a porn star she said
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
