I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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