After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
