I CAN MOONWALK!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
