the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
