Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
