Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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