i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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