By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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