Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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