I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
