Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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