i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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