Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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