...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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