Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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