Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
