I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
