I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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