someone threw a dead crab at me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
