last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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