I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
