just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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