You can't special order awesome
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
there is glitter all over my balls
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