chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
