One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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