I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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