someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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