Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
