I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
