How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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