We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
