did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
