why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
