his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
