we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize