tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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