haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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