i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
