if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
