I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
