She's JV to your varsity
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
