Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
