These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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