i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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