who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
