Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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