Don't you send me to vm
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
