You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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