when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
