you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
