So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
