i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
