my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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