I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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