Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
