I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I look better un-naked...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
