i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
