my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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