I skipped work to stalk him.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
