Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
