I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
