I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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