Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
