We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
