Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
