can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
