A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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