oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
