So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
