I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
