Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
