Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
