Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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