Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
