youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couch. On fire.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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